What are standards? And why do some of us get so bent out of shape about them? In this society it seems that dating for some of us is non existent. The pool of educated successful men is getting smaller, while the pool of women has expanded to the point that it is no longer a pool but a sea. What makes it worse is that even though we women know that the odds of finding a “good” man is slim to none, we put into place these “standards” that makes the pool even more shallow. Now don’t get me wrong, we all should have some sort of standard. We can’t just date any bum off the street. However, have we gotten out of hand?
After my first semester in college, I came home for christmas break. It was during that time that me and the girls developed what we called the Sh** List. Now back then we had life all wrong. The goals of yesterday are not the goals of today. As we all sat back and talked about our ideal man, we came up with a list of things that a man had to have. I think we came up with about 50 things, but for the sake of time and space I will only give a few.
1. Must be educated, well read doesn’t count (seems reasonable)
2. Must hold no less than a bachelor’s degree, preferably equal to level or better
3. Must love the lord, no fanatic religions. Christian!
4. No gold teeth
5. No baby momma’s
6. No kids
7. No living in your momma’s house
8. No braids/ dreds (family respect)
9. I am not your maid, food will not be cooked everyday and served hot waiting for your arrival
10. Must know how to dress.
Sagging the pants and letting the chain hang low is not poppin
11. Must have a car, (not your momma’s car)
12. Must know how to cook, boiling water doesn’t count
13. Must have a good credit score. Nothing less than 650
14. Must be well traveled (Jersey doesn’t count)
15. Salary of 6 figures is preferred, less than $70,000 unacceptable
I am sure the list was worse, but these are the few that I remembered. But what happens when you meet someone who doesnt fall within your list of “musts”? Do you drop them? Do you give them a chance? Listening to my friends speak about their standards today got me thinking about my own. When I was younger, I lived by the Sh** List, if you didn’t fall in line than you didn’t get a chance. But years later I have come to realize how foolish it all was. Yes, standards are important, you must have something to go by. But at what cost? Happiness? Is it worth missing out on the time of your life because you make 6 figures and he makes 5? Now a days the only things that makes the list are respect and happiness. If I can be happy than that’s enough for me. If you respect me, than you won’t hurt me, thus leading to my happiness. It’s not always about the material things… Or is it?…
How does it work when you’re a lawyer and he’s a janitor? Could that situation ever work? Maybe I am wrong and standards are the safest way to go… Maybe the Sh** List isn’t so sh**ty after all..