Fuck Boy

Fuck Boy… “A person who is a weak ass pussy that ain’t bout shit.” Urban Dictionary December 29, 2004, http://www.urbandictionary.com. The first time I heard the term fuck boy was summer of 2015. I was having a conversation with one of my younger cousins (who shall remain nameless), and she was talking about this guy who she seemingly didn’t care too much about but was entertaining nonetheless. As she continued her description of this guy she wrapped up the conversation with “but he’s a fuck boy”. I asked her what the hell is a fuck boy? And she responded, a nigga who ain’t about shit, who just plays around with women, you know a fuck boy.

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Over the past few years I have had several unique dating experiences (I may have understated that). I have provided my friends with a lifetime of entertainment and quite frankly I maybe able to write a best seller one day… As interesting as these situations have been, I never thought that at the tender age of 32 I would encounter my first and may I claim in Jesus name, my last fuck boy. If you were to ask me what a fuck boy was prior to reading urban dictionary, I would tell you that they usually tend to be young boys who have nothing going for themselves. I would have told you that these boys take pleasure in getting with women for the sole purpose of jerking them around. I am here to tell you that fuck boys come in all shapes and sizes, from all age groups, creeds, you name it. My great great grandfather use to warn me about “vacabon abiye” which translated, simply means a vagabond in gentlemen’s clothing or in street terms an ain’t shit nigga in a real man’s clothing.

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I have tried my best to heed his warnings (epic fail). But it is real in these streets.  There is a generation of fuck boys rising up. Their training is impeccable. Their recruiters/mentors are putting in over time. They are going hard in the paint. No woman is safe.

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The question you all may be asking yourselves is how did I encounter a fuck boy? Well, I did what most professional women do, I lowered my standards.

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How you may ask? Well it’s simple. Have you ever seen a doctor get with a janitor? I haven’t seen such a thing in my lifetime. Granted if the doctor just wants to have fun, then yes, maybe the janitor thing is not so far fetched. But to become serious and build a life? ? Nah B… Where did I even find a fuck boy? Well my friends as I stated earlier they come in all shapes and sizes, from all age groups and they may even be hiding in your workplace.

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I have always prided myself on not being a classist. I often tell people that I am an equal opportunity dater and quite frankly my track record would reflect that pro affirmative action. I have never really dated a true professional of equal rank and education. But I guess that is the naiveté right? Thinking that ones heart and seemingly good acts transcend all barriers and social constructs. That being able to have an intellectual conversation regarding the state of the union can be replaced with the fact that he could cook a meal.

Those who know me well know I am quite the conversationalist. I know a little bit about everything and I love to use my intellect. But for some reason, I find myself entertaining men who are not intellectuals and as one friend put it “dumb as hell”. giphy (4) What I have learned from my fuck boy experience is this. Stop entertaining men who are not on your level. It is ok to want someone who is articulate and equally intelligent. It is ok to be with a man who can talk about the political and social state of our country. It is ok to expect that a man do more than the bare minimum when courting, i.e. bringing you lunch does not earn you brownie points ,neither does picking you up and dropping you off from point A to point B.

Many women today have a hard time identifying a real man. When a man does something nice, or shows minimal effort, we think we have a prince on our hands, when all we really have is a fuck boy.  coming to america

A guy asked me one time, what I did for a living. I told him that I was an attorney. Right off the bat he told me that I was overqualified to date him. This is without him knowing my credentials. I certainly appreciated this form of honestly. I mean the guy was high at the time, but it was a wake up call that hey I am really a big deal and I should be proud of all my accomplishments. Dealing with insecure men has a way of stealing that sense of pride. You are so caught up in trying to make them feel comfortable, you diminish yourself and your accomplishments and that just isn’t cool.

So what is the takeaway here?  Leave them fuck boy’s alone!! If Jiminy cricket taps you on the shoulder and says this nigga aint for you, listen. If the Holy Spirit comes upon you and says pay attention to his lack of reasoning skills, heed the warning. If your friends say, “he’s a fun guy but he is dumb as hell”, that may be an indication that you should go no further.

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As women, we do a whole lot of settling and we entertain men who we know damn well we will never keep around or introduce to the real family.  There is no reason why we should not strive to have it all.  It does not have to be either/or. A man can be both smart and a chef. He can be both compassionate and a beast in the boardroom. It is ok to have standards. If you want to date a man that has an advanced degree, hell a four-year degree, it is ok. Why should we feel bad for wanting that? I have gone through the wringers of education and I have suffered and fought the good fight. Why can’t I want a man who has shared in this struggle? A man who appreciates the importance of education. At the end of the day women get a lot of flack for being “picky”. It is not about being picky (well for some women it’s not), but it is about finding YOUR equal and I ain’t never seen a doctor with a janitor… I’m just saying….

This blog was brought to you by the friends of Tata campaign against B.S.

6 thoughts on “Fuck Boy

  1. “Dealing with insecure men has a way of stealing that sense of pride.” Omg doll! This was everything- the truth! Say no to F* Boys campaign.

  2. Hahaha that’s sooooo crazy! I literally just finish telling my co worker about these type of men. Hit the nail right on the head. Memes and all. “Noooo Scrubs” has evolved to “Noooo f*ck Boys” Epi dats it!

  3. It amazes me on a daily that there are so many men out there who pride themselves on being FBs. It’s so pathetic and unimpressive. These boys will never be men. You’re a woman of substance who deserves nothing less. Demand more because you deserve more.

  4. Although I do not like to use fulgar language but I’ve heard pleny of women refer to men as such. Like yourself, I was clueless at first and then I was later given an explanation of what a f**** boy was. I think many women end up wasting their precious time while some even pour out their emotions is because some just can’t handle being alone. Ultimately, it takes christ to mold and change the hearts of the lonely and mend the broken hearts of women. Many do not know their worth. When a woman knows her worth and truly understand what God did for her when he died on the cross and that she is a daugter of the most high. When she is able to have a relationship with her creator and able to let the holy spirit help her discern so that during her state of singleness she is not pursuing men but pursuing christ, her ambitions and goals. During her journey he will place someone worthy along her path and that she will confirm with him if she should accept the pursuit in courtship then everything changes. I was once that young woman that would date jerks, men that are just clueless about life. They lack substance, purpose, and most important christ. How can a man lead you without first having the holy spirit. He is called to lead not you trying to drag him to christ. If women raise their standards then men will have no choice but to raise theirs. It’s time that all women take a stand and not just settle and stop dating just because they are loney, single and just need to “chill”. It is time that women stop the nonsense and allow men to get away with murder. Thank You for posting these blog! I enjoyed it.

  5. I live!!!

    You better preach that word, girl!

    I really don’t know where this confusion of not knowing your place started. Will some think this classist? Obviously.

    But we’re not talking to those people right now.

    TLC done tried to tell us about these kinds of guys 17 years ago. The names might have changed over the years, but the sentiment is still the same. We don’t want no scrubs. Why is this NOW such a bad thing to say?

    The same logic applies to the fact that where I am in my life right now, I don’t expect a CEO or Vice President of a company to come checking for me.

    We’re not on the same level.

    Hard facts.

    Epi that’s it.

    Point. Blank. Period.

    Are there Fuck-boys in every class, though? Of course there is—OF COURSE! Are they getting harder to identify? Maybe. Can it be that there are so many around that we think it’s the norm? Possibly. Are a lot of women turning a blind eye to this for fear that we’ll be judged for thinking we’re too good for someone? Yup!

    But why? Why? WHY?

    Why should WE have to settle? Why can’t we know our worth? Why can’t we say, “I want someone who can do this …” without it turning into women are so demanding!?

    So again I say unto you: I live!!

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